The Big Question: Should You Take a Child to See a Dying Grandparent?
Should a child see a dying grandparent? In most cases, yes—with thoughtful preparation and open communication. Allowing a child to visit a dying grandparent can help them understand and process what is happening, create a chance for meaningful goodbyes, and support emotional health for both child and grandparent. Every family’s situation is unique, so your approach may change depending on your child’s relationship with their grandparent and their emotional needs. In the sections below, we’ll guide you through how to make this experience as gentle and supportive as possible for your child.
Understanding Your Child’s Relationship with Their Grandparent
Closeness Matters
Children process loss differently based on how close they are to their grandparents. The bond is likely strong if your child spent a lot of time with their grandparent—weekly visits, shared activities, and inside jokes. Not seeing their grandparent, or missing the chance to say goodbye, can feel confusing or even upsetting to your child. Sometimes, the most helpful thing is to allow children to be part of these moments, so they are not left with unanswered questions or regrets.
Signs Your Child May or May Not Want to Visit
Children often express their needs in simple ways. Some kids may ask to visit, want to draw a picture, or talk about their grandparent. Others might seem quiet, avoid the topic, or feel scared. It’s essential to ask your child gently how they feel about visiting. Listen closely to their words without pressure if they express worry or fear. You can say, “It’s okay to feel nervous,” or “You can decide if you want to go.” For children who struggle to share feelings, drawing or playing may help them open up.
Giving your child a sense of control helps. Let them know it’s okay to change their mind, stay for just a few minutes, or even sit in the hallway nearby. The goal is to respect your child’s feelings while offering the chance for connection and closure.
Preparing for the Visit: How to Tell a Child About the Death of a Grandparent
Age-Appropriate Advice
Children need honest information, but in simple terms. Use clear language. Avoid phrases like “gone to sleep” or “passed away,” which can confuse young children. Instead, say, “Grandpa is very sick and the doctors cannot improve him. He will die soon.” Keeping the explanation direct can help children feel safer.
Sample Scripts for Talking with Children
Starting the conversation can feel hard. Here are a few ways to approach it:
- For younger children:
“Grandma’s body is very sick, and she can’t get better. The doctors and helpers are making sure she’s not in pain. Soon, her body will stop working, and she will die. We can visit her to say goodbye.” - For older children:
“Grandpa’s illness is making his body shut down. He’s been getting weaker. The hospice team is keeping him as comfortable as possible. He might not look or act like himself when we visit, but he’ll know we’re there.”
Encourage your child to ask questions. Honest answers give comfort.
Explaining Changes in Appearance or Behavior
Prepare your child for what they might see. You can say, “Grandma is tired and may be sleeping. She might not talk, but you can still hold her hand or tell her you love her.” Explaining changes ahead of time reduces fear and sets realistic expectations.
What to Expect While Visiting
A Peaceful Setting
Hospice care is different from a hospital. The space is quiet and calm. No loud machines or people are rushing from room to room. The goal is to make the patient as comfortable as possible. Let your child know that nurses and helpers are there to take good care of their grandparent, making sure they are not in pain.
Reassuring Details for Families and Children
It helps to talk about what your child might see or hear during the visit. You might say, “There may be other families visiting their loved ones, and everyone is using quiet voices.” If your child has questions about medical equipment, explain simply: “This machine helps Grandma breathe more easily,” or “These blankets keep her warm.”
If your grandparent is sleeping or unable to talk, it’s okay. Remind your child that sometimes people do not wake up near the end of their life, but they can still feel love. Even a gentle touch or soft words can mean a lot.
Tips for the Visit: Making the Experience Meaningful
Simple Ways to Support Your Child and Create Memories
Visiting a dying grandparent can be emotional, but it can also be a special time. Encourage your child to do small things that feel right for them. They might:
- Draw a picture or bring a handmade card.
- Share a favorite story or memory with their grandparent.
- Hold their grandparents’ hand or simply sit quietly together.
- Bring a favorite song to play or sing softly.
These gestures can bring comfort to both your child and the grandparent. They remind everyone of happy memories and the bond they share.
Encouraging Open Emotional Expression
Let your child know any emotion is okay. Some children will want to talk or ask thoughtful questions. Others may feel sad, quiet, or even a bit awkward. Reassure your child that feeling nervous, sad, or even unsure is normal. Offer comfort through words or a gentle hug.
After the visit, encourage your child to talk about how they feel. If they find it easier, drawing or writing about the experience can be helpful too.
After the Visit: Supporting Your Child
Common Emotional Reactions
Every child reacts in their own way after seeing a dying grandparent. Some will feel sad or confused. Others might act like nothing happened, or even seem relieved. All these feelings are normal. If your child seems quiet, allow them extra time and space to process the experience.
Encouraging Ongoing Conversations
Keep the conversation open over the next few days. Gently ask your child how they are feeling. Sometimes children ask the same questions more than once, or want to hear the story again. Answer honestly each time. Remind your child that crying, talking, or just sitting together is okay.
Support Resources if Needed
If your child continues to struggle—having nightmares, withdrawal, or trouble at school—reaching out for extra support can help. Many hospice programs, including Suncrest, offer bereavement counselors, group activities, or one-on-one guidance for children and families. Sometimes talking to someone outside the family can make a big difference.
Common Questions from Parents
Should I Take My Child to See a Dying Grandparent?
Many parents ask, Should I take my child to see a dying grandparent? Most children benefit from having the chance to say goodbye, but listening to your child’s wishes and comfort level is important. Honest preparation and ongoing support help the experience feel safe and meaningful.
Is It Harmful or Traumatic?
With gentle guidance, most children handle visits to a dying grandparent with resilience. Being open and supportive reduces confusion and fear. Some sadness is natural, but hiding the reality can make grief harder later on. Trust your instincts and talk to your child about their feelings often.
What If My Child Does Not Want to Go?
If your child does not want to visit, respect their decision. Forcing a visit can increase distress. You can offer other ways to say goodbye, such as writing a letter, drawing a picture, or recording a message. Let your child know there are many ways to show love, and each choice is okay.
Suncrest Is Here to Help
Accessing Bereavement and Family Support
Supporting a child through the end-of-life journey of a loved one can feel overwhelming. Suncrest offers family resources, including bereavement counseling and support groups to help children and adults work through their feelings.
Our caring team is here to answer questions or guide you through these sensitive moments. If you need advice about how to tell a child about the death of a grandparent, or want ideas for comforting activities during or after a visit, our professionals are ready to help.
Invitation to Contact Suncrest
You do not have to manage this journey alone. Contact your local Suncrest team for guidance, resources, or a listening ear. We are here to support your entire family with compassion and understanding.
5 FAQs – Should You Take a Child to See a Dying Grandparent?
1. Should a child see a dying grandparent if they are very young?
Yes, even young children can benefit from a gentle visit. Use simple, honest language and offer comfort before, during, and after the visit.
2. How do I tell a child about the death of a grandparent?
Speak clearly and truthfully. Use phrases like, “Grandpa is very sick and will die soon.” Avoid euphemisms that might confuse or scare children.
3. What if my child becomes upset or scared during the visit?
Stay close and offer reassurance. Let your child know their feelings are normal. If they want to leave early, respect their choice.
4. Should I take my child to see a dying grandparent if they do not want to go?
No, never force a visit. Offer alternative ways to say goodbye, such as making a card, drawing, or sending a voice recording.
5. How can I support my child after visiting a dying grandparent?
Encourage ongoing conversation. Ask open-ended questions, offer hugs, and reach out for support if your child struggles with sadness or anxiety.
